21

BASTIEN

It was the night before the wedding.

Fleur wasn’t going to be staying elsewhere for the night, not when I didn’t believe in that traditional bullshit. I would fuck her before bed like usual. In the morning, she would leave and get ready in another part of the house, and then we would meet at the gardens to marry.

I spent my last night as a bachelor at my brother’s house, smoking with him in the drawing room, the two of us reminiscing with some good memories but mostly bad ones.

He sat with the cigar burning between his fingertips, in the dim light from the chandelier that hung overhead. “It doesn’t matter now, but where did you dump his body?”

I could tell that had been on his mind awhile. He just didn’t want to ask.

“Wrapped it in plastic and threw it in the dumpster outside my building.” I took a drag and let out the smoke like the cloud was packed with my sins.

“And no one noticed?”

“He’d only been dead for a couple hours by the time the garbage trucks came to empty it. And I wrapped him really well, so the smell was probably contained for at least a week afterward. By then, he would have already been in a furnace or a landfill.” It was ruthless and barbaric, to treat the man who had sired me with cruelty. But at the time, I hadn’t had many options. “It wasn’t intentional, just the resources I had at the time.” His grave in the cemetery was empty. The tombstone was a eulogy to a man who wasn’t even there.

“Not once did I suspect you.”

“I knew no one would.” Because they underestimated me. Everyone did.

Godric looked away, but not in anger. “Do you ever think of telling her?”

My eyes focused on the cigar because the guilt suddenly gnawed at my flesh. “Sometimes.”

He let the conversation drop when I didn’t say more.

“What’s next for you?”

“Business as usual,” he said as he released the smoke. “But in accordance with the Fifth Republic. Luca has already stopped by to do his checks.”

In six weeks, I’d been replaced, my legacy replaced by a new French Emperor, but I knew the transition wouldn’t have been so smooth if Luca weren’t so capable of the position. Everyone already knew him, already respected him. I’d turn into a friend…or someone they used to know.

“Is this really enough for you?” he asked.

“This?”

“Retirement. Domestication. Monogamy.”

I wasn’t surprised by his incredulity, because I’d had the same opinion not too long ago. I’d said I would never leave my job for anyone, especially a woman. Didn’t think I’d meet anyone who would make settling down somehow exciting. “The thrills and adrenaline are still there, just in a new way. After the wedding, we’re going to travel for a few months. I want to take her through Italy and Greece.”

He nodded. “Nice honeymoon.”

“Yeah.”

“So, you’re gonna do the kid thing too?”

“At some point.”

He watched me like he expected me to say more, but he didn’t want to push.

“I don’t think I’m fit to be a parent, but I’ll try my damnedest to do a good job.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, I killed my own father and dumped his body in the garbage, so…”

“But that wasn’t by choice,” he said. “You’ve always been the good one, Bastien. You’ve always been the one to fight for those who can’t fight for themselves. Stand your ground when it would be far easier just to cave. I see the way you love Fleur, so you’re definitely capable of caring for another person.”

It was the nicest thing he’d ever said to me.

“I think you’d be a good dad—if that’s what you want.”

I looked at the fireplace and kept a straight face, unsure how to accept his kindness. “Dad didn’t want me…and I’m afraid I won’t want them.” I couldn’t look at him as I said it. Hadn’t even said that to Fleur.

He stared at me.

I couldn’t see his stare, but I could feel it hot on my flesh.

“Dad was a fucking asshole. He was a psychopath who only cared about money and power and getting more money and power. He didn’t give a shit about us as people, but free labor. He didn’t care about Mom. He’d cheat on her all the time. I’m like him in more ways than I want to admit—but you are nothing like him.”

I finally found the courage to look at him again.

“You’ll be fine, Bastien.”

The butler let me into the house then ushered me into the drawing room. Over the fireplace was an old family portrait, the four of us together, Godric and I almost teenagers at the time. I stared at it and felt the racing of my heart. It was a Maserati on the racetrack.

My mother entered the room behind me. “Bastien, is everything okay?”

I stared at the picture a moment longer before I manned up and faced her.

She must have seen my crestfallen expression because she stepped forward and grabbed my arms. “Honey, what is it?”

I gently guided her hands away, unable to accept my mother’s love right now.

She grew more upset. “It’s natural to get cold feet. I felt the exact same way before my wedding. But just take a couple breaths?—”

“It’s not that.” Fleur was the only thing in my life I never had to doubt. But everyone else, including myself, was cast in the shadows of unease. The only doubt I possessed was wondering if I deserved her at all.

“Then what is it?”

I’d decided to keep this from her for years, said it was for her own good because she couldn’t handle this secret. But it was just an excuse to hide the truth, just an excuse to pretend to be something I wasn’t. I was always good to her, always took care of her, and I wondered if I’d done those things out of guilt rather than genuine desire. “Mom, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Okay…I’m listening.”

“Let’s sit.” I moved to the seating area and dropped onto one of the couches.

Even though it was late, she was still dressed and in full makeup, like she didn’t allow herself to relax until she was about to put her head on the pillow.

Her hands were together in her lap, and she looked so scared that to an onlooker, they would assume I was there to kill her.

I suspected she wouldn’t come to the wedding tomorrow. I suspected we might never speak again. But I had to tell her. Had to come clean and accept the consequences of my actions. “Dad stopped by my apartment before he died.”

She stiffened when she heard what I said, her eyes big and round, like an owl in the dark. “He never told me that.”

Because he didn’t tell anybody.

“Did you two make up?—”

“No. We got into a fight. He told me he hadn’t wanted to have another kid, but you made him do it. Said I was a disappointment. Said he regretted having me.” That was the easier part to say because I’d accepted that cold, hard truth already.

“That’s not true, Bastien. He didn’t mean that.”

“It’s okay, Mom. Your love has been more than enough. It’s easily been the equivalent of two parents.”

Her eyes watered like that either hurt her…or meant the world to her.

“He said he wished he’d never had me, and I said I wished he was dead, and it turned into a fight. He reached for his gun but?—”

“Oh my god.” Her hands immediately cupped her mouth, and she choked back her sob. “Oh my god…”

I ignored her cries and continued on. “But I got it first, and I shot him.”

Her hands completely covered her face, and she sobbed, her chest heaving as she pictured the scene.

“I’m sorry.”

She wailed in the silence, wailed like he’d been shot in this very room.

I didn’t feel better, but at least I felt honorable. “I thought you deserved to know the truth.” I left the couch and headed out of the room, listening to her cry behind me, knowing I was a monster. I’d taken her husband away. I’d broken up her family. I was responsible for every bad thing that had happened.

“Bastien.” She stifled her sobs. “Wait.”

I halted but didn’t turn around, afraid of the look on her face, afraid of the slap coming my way.

“Bastien.” Her footsteps grew louder behind me.

I took a breath before I faced her, saw the havoc the tears had wreaked on her makeup, saw a woman irreparably broken by my confession.

She took a breath and forced her tears to steady before she reached for my hands. She squeezed them.

And I didn’t understand. Didn’t understand anything at all.

“Bastien.” Tears dripped down her face. “I know your father was a cruel man, but I didn’t know just how cruel… You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry that I didn’t do better, that I didn’t protect you and Godric, that I didn’t leave…like Fleur left. You’re so loved, Bastien. You and Godric are the single most important things to me, and I love you more than words could ever convey.” She gripped my hands together in hers and squeezed them to her chest. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”

“Mom…” I’d murdered my own father, but she treated me like the victim.

“It’s okay, Bastien,” she said. “You did the right thing. I can live without him, but I could never live without you.”